that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
