I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
