hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
