Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
