I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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