Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
