my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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