Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
