just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
