My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
