now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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