your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
