No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Are we still banned from the library?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
