Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
