She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize