My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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