turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
