we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
