Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize