Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
