I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
