Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
