how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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