i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
