We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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