Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
