Only a mothe r could love this liver
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
