this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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