can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
