Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
