last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize