Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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