I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
