Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize