i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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