I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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