home. puking in laundry basket.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
