I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
