Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
