You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
