I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
