im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
