i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
