oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
