I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
