The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
