Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
