Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
