i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize