mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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