Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
