Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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