Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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