my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
