your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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