I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
