his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
