No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize