Did you just see the Batmobile???
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
