Ambien. No doubt about it.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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