Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
