hell yes lets make some ravioli
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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