yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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