She's like a pop up book from hell.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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