Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
