somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
