someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
