she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
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