ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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