I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
