How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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