would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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