Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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