I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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