Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
