Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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