I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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