I am puke
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
