Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
