I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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