Apparently you make a good broom.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
