dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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