Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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