hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
where are you?
Hypothermia
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
