I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
