So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
