i used baking grease as lip gloss
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
